Imagine this if you will.
In 2018 after a dream in which I clearly heard the message ‘yogis in the Himalayas’, I woke up with the feeling that something was waiting for me in India. Having committed myself to the idea that yoga could be the path that could help me heal, and with about a year of daily practice established, it felt like the time was right to see what might be waiting. During that time I had immersed myself in reading any yoga philosophy book I could lay my hands on, and had developed at least a vague understanding of the centrality of India to the tradition. It was time to go.
Without too much research and very much on a gut feel basis I booked a yoga teacher training in Darjeeling. Off I went in to the unknown. The four weeks of training were an emotional rollercoaster. There were incredibly beautiful times, extremely challenging moments and, times when I was quite unwell. My ego seemed to think my stomach could manage eating street food when my body clearly felt otherwise. I remember crying on the phone to my partner (now my wife) about how sick I was and how I wanted to come home
The foundation of the experience though was undertaking lengthy morning and evening practices in unimaginably serene surroundings in a region whose energy has attracted spiritual seekers for millennia. I felt truly humbled and privileged. I meditated in the Yoga Shala, in my tiny cold shared bedroom, in monasteries and ashrams, on top of mountains, in beautiful hilltop gardens and by flowing rivers. The daily practice, the surroundings, the training and the books I continued to read were all helping to bring my mind to a place of peace that I had not experienced before. My ego raised its head continually….perhaps I’m not that far off from enlightenment it whispered to me!
After a month of training I received my 200 hour certificate and it was time to leave. The plan was originally to go home but I knew I was not ready to leave these mountains let alone India. I was guided to a small ashram on the banks of the Ganges in the foothills of the Himalayas, another place where the footsteps of great yogis from eras past could be felt all around. Every morning I would wake before sunrise, find my way to a spot by the river with my mat and meditation beads to practice, opening my eyes again when the day had been greeted by the sun. I visited temples and caves famous for
their meditative energy and attended the evening ‘arti’ or prayers on the banks of the Ganges. I had felt calm and at ease, with a growing sense of inner stability for a couple months by this point. My partner came to join me in India and we decided to visit Sri Lanka together. To do this we needed to reach Delhi to catch our flight. The serene version of myself boarded a night coach. I watched the street lights flicker by as we meandered our way down from the hills, peered out of the coach window in to the night as our journey took us
Peace is not the absence of chaos, but the ability to remain aware, still, and present amidst life’s storms.
past the menagerie of street life that is a part of the Indian experience. Gradually the rural ambience was replaced by widening roads, an urban landscape and the arrival on the outskirts of Delhi.
Let me get to the point.
The next day, realising that I needed to add a few items of clothing to the minimal wardrobe I had been carrying in my backpack, we headed to a shopping mall in the centre of town. Our motorised rickshaw flew through the traffic. Dust, heat, smoke, intense aromas and exhaust fumes assaulted skin and nostrils. We arrived in the mall appreciating the caress of the cool conditioned air on our skin.
I found the items I needed and went to the check out to pay. Calmly I stood in line. How wonderful to be in this huge bustling city and yet to feel so calm sang my ego! Having stood in line for about 10 mins, which started to feel like an eternity, I noticed the signs of impatience building in me. Just as I was next in line, the check-out lane closed! We were asked to move in to the next line which was even longer than the one I had been ‘calmly’ waiting in. Before I knew it I was gripped by an intense rage! I felt tired, 64 64 hungry, in need of sitting down….how dare they close the lane on ME! I threw my items on the nearest shelf and stormed out of the store.
Two months of peace, quiet and serenity….a ten minute wait in a queue and it all came crashing down. Oh the dance, what a dance.
There are so many learnings that could be expressed through this brief story, and maybe I will return to them another time. The message however that I would like to focus on for now relates to the changeable nature of the mind. In one moment everything is calm like a still lake, the next moment a storm passes through and everything appears to be thrown upside down. In this instance I had believed that in a short space of months I had somehow transformed my mind. This was despite the fact that I had been reinforcing a tendency towards unchecked tantrums for years. I was quite shocked by the eruption of the so called ‘old version’ of myself!
Yoga teaches us that the mind (chitta) is part of the dimension (prakrti) in which there is nothing constant apart from change (parinama). The ultimate practice of yoga is to be able to develop a one pointedness (ekagrata) which Peace is not the absence of chaos, but the ability to remain aware, still, and present amidst life’s storms. gradually transforms the mind to become more and more still with an ability to retain focus on the things we choose. At the same time it helps us to move into connection with the dimension of awareness (purusha) which it tells is unchanging and, whilst the experiencer of all these changes, remains unaffected, peaceful and pure. Practice is about realising whether these things are true in our own experience. This movement can also be described as developing
detachment (vairagya) from the movements of the mind and the gradual removal of over identification with the changeable dimension.
We are also reminded that it is at the point where we feel we have made ‘progress’ that we need to be most vigilant. The kleshas or mental afflictions that cause to act in ways that cause suffering may be dormant at best and can rear their heads at any moment plunging us back in to patterns that we thought had been removed.
It may be that a tendency towards some level of rage accompanies us throughout our lives. What does it look like to use our developing practice to manage these intense emotions? It is the ability to remain as awareness even as the storm passes through. Realising and experiencing that there is a place within us that remains stable even in times of provocation and unrest. Remembering that our changing mind space will offer us both peace and war dependent upon its season but that our ‘job’ as practitioners is to smile gently at both and not to get swept up in their siren call. This too shall pass.
The experience in the store in Delhi was a beautiful reminder to an over-zealous ego that the ‘work’ had only just begun. It was one of many humbling moments on the journey, that continue to arise, where we realise our understanding of what we are practicing or how far we have ‘advanced’ is imperfect. Where we fall down and know that all we can do is embrace the fall with gratitude. Let it be our teacher. Allow it to energise us to stand again and to keep walking the path. To sit deeper within ourselves and to gradually be more at ease with everything that appears to be thrown at us. To accept change as a fundamental aspect of the reality of this dimension. To watch the changes flow through and around us from the bank of the river rather than being caught in the rapids.
Maybe next time the rage comes, rather than being reactive, we will smile at it, notice the sensations it carries, take a breath, sit deeper, give it space…and continue to wait in line.
Daryn’s yoga journey began in 2015 after a back injury, but it quickly became more than just a physical practice. Drawn to the depth of yogic wisdom, Daryn immersed himself in studying how these ancient teachings can support modern life. Over time, Daryn experienced firsthand how consistent, mindful practice can relieve suffering, bring clarity, and transform daily living. As a Yoga Alliance (RYT 500) certified teacher with over 1,250 hours of training, mainly in India & primarily in the tradition of Sri T. Krishnamacharya, Daryn has been teaching since 2018 and has also trained as a yoga therapist. Through asana, pranayama, meditation, mantra, and philosophy, Daryn guides students to integrate yoga into their lives for physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Daryn is based in London and teaches in person and online. www.darynsyogashala.com
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